Why are joy and happiness scary concepts? Like in surfing, many people are not afraid of riding the wave of happiness, but the fear of crashing out of the wave and disappointment setting in. It is time we learned how to enjoy the ride.
Recently, I had conversation with a new acquaintance, Helen, about her fear of happiness. We had been talking about shame, and how once the shame shifts there was a sense of relief. Then shortly thereafter, a sense of happiness and joy that sets in. Happiness was the product of relief, freedom, and a new understanding of yourself.
At face value, why would anyone be afraid of joy and happiness? I mean, isn’t that what we’re all going for anyway? But what Helen describes as her fear of happiness, is in reality fear of her happiness ending. The crash. The disappointment. The return to where we came from. I can relate to that.
Sometimes when moments of happiness and joy are few and far between, which is common in people who are shamed to the core, we don’t want those wonderful feelings to end. We’ve waited so long to happy. Day in, day out, we normally feel shame. We try to feel happy, but it just doesn’t seem to happen, at least not from a genuine organic way. So when a breath of fresh happy air comes in, we want it all. We want to be greedy about it. We don’t know when the next moment of joy will come. Those pure moments are rare, and we hate to lose them.
I share with Helen that I can relate because I used to be the same way. When I first developed Shame Hack, I worked through my own shame, situation by situation. Then, I would feel relief and get happy when I discovered my truth. Early in the development of Shame Hack, when I discovered a truth that was deeply painful and felt relief from addressing and beginning to resolve it, I got a huge natural high, I was so joyful and so happy. Instantly, I was on top of the world. This is what I live for, natural highs. But at the time, I was so happy it disturbed me. I wasn’t used to feeling so happy.
I was out of my comfort zone, and began thinking ahead to the happiness crash. This type of high was unsustainable. I didn’t want to be this happy because eventually it would end. So I talked myself down, in essence killing my buzz. There I was, perfectly happy one moment, then back to down to earth feeling “normal” the next. Now in my normal state, I just sat there thinking, Well this sucks. I was so happy and joyous moments ago. Now I felt normal, a sort of ho-hum. Why did I just do that? I live to be happy. I don’t want to that again. So I had to work on not giving myself a buzz-kill.
What I realized was, yes feelings don’t last forever and my hang-up was that I didn’t want my happiness to end. But from my buzz killing experience, I learned that happiness is like surfing. I can catch a wave of happiness and ride it out till it comes to its natural ending. Or I can bail on the wave, as I did with my buzz kill.
I was looking at happiness wrong way. I wanted an unending wave that went on forever. Instead of fearing my happy surf coming to an end, I need to just ride it out, then paddle out and catch the next wave. The answer is not, to catch a wave and bum myself out that the wave will end. The answer is not, to never catch a wave so I won’t be disappointed when it ends.
I want to surf. I want to be happy. The answer is to catch a wave, ride it out, and enjoy the ride. Then paddle out and catch the next one. This is how happiness becomes sustainable, just like a never ending supply of ocean waves. Surf, ride, paddle out, repeat.
Catching waves of happiness is where Shame Hack comes into play. Shame Hack helps you transform painful feelings like shame, so you can catch waves of happiness. If you want to learn more about how shame might be killing your buzz or if you are interested in learning more about making happiness more sustainable, let’s talk. Book your free call now. We’ll get on the phone and talk about where you’re and what is hanging you up from your happiness. It will be one of the best hours you spend figuring out what is standing in the way of your happiness.
Shame is NOT a life sentence, so free yourself.
Click here to book your call now. https://shamehack.com/contact/