Sometimes, asking for help can be hard. But when does self-reliance and independence become detrimental? Perhaps it’s time to reframe what it means to ask for help.
At the beginning of the year, I attended a goal setting class where they taught a cool way to see which goals were a priority. They did this by awarding points for a head-to-head comparison with each other. The teacher demonstrated how to do the process using two students’ list. Both students listed ‘get help with such and such’ in some form or another. When the goal prioritization demos were done, both people had listed ‘reaching out for help’ as dead last.
I was raised with a DIY (do it yourself) philosophy. This was modeled by my dad doing the home repair and car maintenance, while my mom ran the house and did tailoring. Rarely did our family hire services. Like many families, self-reliance and independence were values handed down from one generation to the next. But when does self-reliance and independence become detrimental? When does doing-it-yourself mean missing out?
Asking for help can be vulnerable and humbling. It’s an admission to another person that we have a need. Sometimes, it’s easy to ask for help. For example, if your car is making a strange noise and not performing like it should, you would hire a mechanic to help you. Sometimes asking for help is difficult. If you go back and forth between feeling anxious and depressed, reaching out for help can be hard. If this is your first time reaching out for help with these feelings, you may not even know where to begin.
Earlier this week, I did a photo shoot to update my head shots. For the first time, I worked with a stylist, Amanda Thorne. Before the shoot, Amanda came over to my home and helped me put together outfits to capture certain looks. The funny thing was, she created outfits from the clothes I already had, in ways I never considered, to create totally different looks than the ones I usually put together. It was eye opening. Amanda had an eye for color, contrast, and creating a look. It was obvious she had a talent for this.
After Amanda put together a couple outfits, we went shopping. As we walked through the men’s clothing section, I gravitated to what I liked. I pulled a shirt from the rack. “What about this?” I asked. She replied, “I think you already have something just like that.” Then she picked out a shirt I wouldn’t have picked, “How about this?” “Mmm…,” I respond. She said, “Try it on. We’ll see.” Turns out, Amanda was right on the money. The shirt looked great on me. It was a color I never wear, but gave life to my skin tone. I went on to wear that shirt in my shoot, and she was right again. The shirt photographed well too. She was forward thinking like that.
I could’ve decided not to work with a stylist for my photo shoot. I could’ve decided to pick out my own outfits and DYI. But I didn’t. Instead I got to utilize my stylist’s talent. I received more than outfit selection. I got a little glimpse into how she sees the world of clothes, color, contrast, and photographic presentation. I got an idea of some of the thoughts she considers. What was the objective of the shoot? Who was my audience? What am I trying to communicate? What feel do I want to achieve? These are questions I wouldn’t have considered or kept in the forefront of my mind, let alone understand how to achieve my photo shoot objectives.
When you have the opportunity to utilize other people’s talents they can introduce you to a whole new world. You may catch a glimpse of how they see the world, what their thought process is, and how they work. Perhaps it’s time to reframe what it means to ask for and receive help. If asking and getting help once came from a place of vulnerability, let’s shift it instead to an introduction to a new world of possibilities. A new way to see and think, and new ideas to play with and put to use.
If you are feeling down, anxious, or full of shame, then perhaps it’s time to introduce yourself to a new world. Find someone to show you the way and utilize their talents to help you get what want. Maybe you’ll gain a glimpse of how they view the world and in turn, will be able to build from that.
If you want to see if there’s a new world waiting for you, in terms of feeling, dealing, and healing from unpleasant feelings such as shame, let’s talk. Click on the link below to book you FREE call. It will be the best hour you spend on introducing yourself to a new world of how to work with your feelings.
Shame is NOT a life sentence, so free yourself.
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